So to say the least, these series of posts would function as documentation of exactly how much I changed or maintained my beliefs.
*breathes deep*.,., =]
Last Thursday's lecture (or at least what i got from it) was about the archaic man's patterns and religion swayed lifestyle. Every earthly action the archaic man does, was attributed to the ever powerful gods. In the case of personal endeavors, it's not enough for one to will and work for something in order for the desired thing to happen or to be received. they have this need to have approval coming from someone alien to them whose out there somewhere; and if ever things work out, the gods made it so... similarly in the opposite extreme, the gods have reasons for depriving the archaic man of that which he beseeches.
Kinda reminds me about the DIA students I observe lining up near the doors of their department offices in order for their brain-crunching proposal papers to be checked and hopefully be accepted... This usually happens during weeks of the scheduled midterms and finals. If the proposals were accepted, "ahhh, yes IT GOT APPROVED (by someone)", if not, "uhhh, HE didn't APPROVE of it"...
I find the analogy somewhat misleading actually, but when viewed on a certain level, it actually holds water in a way...
Because of this established trend that projects need to be approved in order for the student to start working on them, the idea of pursuing what the student actually wants and the student's belief that 'I can successfully do the things I go for' had already died. Of course one could observe that what's being made are only revisions to the proposal which would make it "better"(pampalubag-loob); However, along with these revisions more often than not are "additional characters", "change in setting", "shortening of scenes" and many more. Ultimately leading to the student working on something he did not even propose.
It's as if all the hardwork that we exert in trying to actualize our decisions and goals are to pass a kind of "screen", and we would move forward using only the things that made it through, sometimes even, when emotions get the better of us and we fail to adapt, we choose to abandon the whole thing since only scraps of it are left and continuing with the goal expects checkpoints of frustration.
For the next few weeks, I'm gonna start re-figuring out how to pat myself on the back. Take time to look at the small things I'VE accomplished. Rationalize what events lead me to accomplishing these small significant milestones. I'm going to focus on how I managed to take in effort in making these actions part of history.
I'm skipping the 'screen'... too tired to write a proposal...