Reacting to Neithan's Welcome

Where on earth do I even start?

A few weeks back I was asked by an end mate if I would be able to help him out. He declared he required somebody to deal with his site (this one). Plainly, the reaction I had was why? then again, why me?

At that moment, we were being made to do a venture for media examines regarding the morals of directing talks, or simply put, Our professor asked us to do a recorded interview. He caught me at the university's Xavier Hall. It was flawless timing, since it was raining so hard that the person we wish to interview decided to scratch off and reschedule it for next week. This gave Neithan and I chance to examine his favor.

I was ready for the interview so I had a bundle of stuff with me, one of them being my helpful dandy recorder ( I compose segment items for a neighborhood printing house ). I chose to make amusement of our dialogue by recording the entire thing on tape. Neithan, being Neithan, was game to try it out. What I thought was gonna be ordinary hours of nonsense came to be the most obviously psyche blowing discourse I ever had in my life.

There's something about Neithan's brainstorms, encounters, life goals and current state of mind that that electrifies and startles the poop out of me simultaneously. I don't even know how, during the conversation, our topics spiraled towards a considerable measure of distinctive things. All of which has nothing to do with his favor. Some way or another however, I'm altogether happy we went off point a lot.

He was as a matter of fact a bitch at opening up. No concrete life experiences were shared to me in detail. So I was in a four hour guessing game trying to find out what the hell happened that made him be this way. Was is that they recently moved house? (I found out about this from Gerald) Was is that he recently started to work? Is this still due to the health problems he got the previous year? I felt I lacked the capacity to see through his statements. in any case I wish to impart a rundown of the foremost lines I got from him, which I think were the statements that swayed me to be a part of whatever battle he is facing at this time.


This was what he said immediately as I started recording.

"Good-rainy-afternoon recorder! (British accent). My name is Neithan and I believe in three things. One, I'm alive. Two, sooner or later I'm gonna die. Three, Awesome things should happen in between"

This really set the mood for the whole of the conversation. It felt like those three things really are what comprises his life mantra. When I asked him, "These things, you believed them your whole life?", he replied, "No, just after I got sick. You see, there are two monumental events in my life. One was when I was diagnosed of having appendicitis and had to undergo operation, I was seven, the other one was when I got sick last year. During the appendectomy I was very certain that I'll come out of it alive. Everybody around me however, was very certain I was gonna die. Last year, when I was struck with (brief pause) I don't even know what happened to me, doctors couldn't name it, everybody was saying I'm gonna be ok and everything's gonna be fine and I was normal, but it was me who really felt that at any time, my life could end right then and there. I could just simply hit the floor and die. Even if there were lots and lots of people around, I felt alone".

"I'm happy to see that you did not give up." was what I expressed in reaction.

"You wanna talk about giving up?" he said, "There's this famous architecture story about an architect who designed this library. It was perfect. But every year the thing would sink a couple inches into the ground. Eventually the building was condemned. (brief pause) He forgot to account for the weight of the books.  I used to describe my ideal self as a 'good youtuber', a 'great android programmer', a 'healthy douchebag with 6 pack abs and a wallet fat with money', a young fellow who 'helps in providing for the family'. But now apparently I will settle for, 'I'm alive and I can cook adobo'. By 27 I was gonna be annoyingly successful, married to the perfect woman, maybe a kid on the way. Instead I see myself now being just some guy sitting in his house, which isn't even his, having a staring contest with his laptop. And losing. These things, are just me. I forgot to account for the weight of the books. I forgot that there's such thing as 'paying the bills' and that I really wasn't special, everything just appeared more dramatic than it actually is."

Being a fan of his covers I said.

"So you're gonna give up youtube? Just when you work got featured?" ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCsTVCqmhmI )

"The whole world thinks my voice is gay in that cover btw. I'm thankful that they featured it. I never knew my covers were worth 200+ likes when exposed to a big number of potential haters. I only see that big a number when a girl in facebook shows part of her boobs. I guess in my case it was just a little bit too late. If during when I was in highschool the family was ok, and I had access to the internet, by now I find it possible to think that my youtube salary will (brief pause) just be enough to compensate for a week's worth of food. Enough to let the people who could help me, be convinced that this guy could make it and we should give him money for equipment and stuff. The longer I put off starting a new cover, the longer it can remain a dream and not something that I screwed up at. I can't take any more failures. Not if my life is this screwed. And it's too late now for that."


The conversation was getting heavy. Great thing that a scholar in a smaller than expected skirt, strolled right in front of us. We both snickered a smirk, and required some serious energy to breathe. Neithan declared, as he still was checking out the youngster in scaled down skirt, "I found out from facebook, that the girl I first experienced passionate feelings for, is now working for the country's most prestigious beauty company. I'm happy for her. Really, I am. but seeing the person who broke your heart become insanely successful than you ever will be, isn't really an event that I was looking forward to experiencing. It affirms that I am worthless and her choice to dump me was one of the best things she ever did.

These were very interesting insights. Yet I was inching toward getting unsteady from how heavy the thought of his sentences were. So I chose to ask, "Was there anything good that happened out of all these things?"

"There is always something in the day that makes you smile and feel that life is nice. But if there's one thing that I really value out of all these is that, I observed that my fear of death melted away the second it became apparent to me that my life is so fucked up and every minute will just be spent trying to unfuck it. Even then there's no certainty that it'll get unfucked. Imagine the taste of sugar after a lemon. That is how I see death right now. I guess it's healthy to have a steady set of persons, events and things that make you wanna just disappear. It makes the tragedy seem more like an escape."

"What makes you wanna continue to live Neithan?, regardless of these things you consider as your reality?"


"I just wanna try if it's possible to demonstrate strength amidst all these things. I believe that there is a significant difference between 'getting through' and 'getting through intact'. I wanna find out if the latter is possible. and anyone who wants to join me is welcome to be part of my life. Anybody who thinks I'm wasting my time may just scamper away. And I feel strongly against those people who abandon you and label your endeavors useless. You don't abandon someone and be all like, 'hey, now I wanna be in your life again', NO FUCK YOU! ok? Unless you've been in my struggles then Fuck You, Out of my Life. Because it's not when YOU wanna be there, it's when I NEED YOU and that's 'All the time' you fucking deadbeat asshole. ok?"

I knew he was doing a spontaneous monologue. He laughed after saying those words which I think was an attempt to cover weakness.

and the other three hours will forever be just between Neithan and I, and of course the passersby at the Xavier Hall.

This is my first post.

Neithan, I hope you get your shit together man.

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