instantly special.,.,

I'm not really good at directly saying things that i want other people to understand, Especially if it's to be told to people i don't fully know...

this week has been pretty rough for me despite my high hopes of having an awesome Christmas vacation, the leftover academic requirements proved to be insurmountable though given ample time provided by the yuletide break.Although i can identify things that made me happy at random days during the week, i still feel that overall, i'm down and depressed, just a little bit.,,

the game development project is proving itself to be a challenge above my par. starting it was easy, but when we came to the part where we needed to translate every code written to cater network connectivity for it to be played via LAN, I felt like playing super mario without any powerups, HELPLESS.

but as the title suggests, I wrote not to whine, but to thank two girls who seemed to have portrayed the role of being my "last good things about this part of town" people. ETHIE and TRINITY...

trinity is someone i've never actually met, seen, or heard of. but what i know is that she blogs, and i blog and she writes on my page, and i write on hers and i makes me feel good that someone actually replies to me online.,., =] .., and during this sad phase of the vacation she wrote on my page, saying she would add me up to a group of some sort. I liked that, it feels nice., =] I don't even know how that alleviated some of the stress i'm feeling towards me losing my glasses. LoL...
What are the chances that you'll be reading this one trinity? is trinity even your real name? In case you do, keep heart in my gratitude towards you and to people like you who are "online acquaintances" yet feel more of a real friend than those whom I actually meet in person. it's xmas, and you actually made my day.,. though it's roughly an hour before it ends.,, continue to keep in touch if it's not too much of a burden.,, =]

ethie is my idol. She's not famous or anything, it's just that she loves doing things that i also love doing, musical covers of soundtracks and stuff. and she's pretty good at it. wait, that's an understatement, let me try again,,,, She so fudging GOOD AT IT!!!! yeah!!!!!!!!!!! haha
What pushes my button though is that she finds time to do these things while struggling to keep up with pretty much things that i also keep up with. studies and life in general. And in these sensitive times when it feels like the atomic bomb of depression just got dropped in our front yard, seeing someone you look up to present in your youtube channel's 'subscribers' panel, felt like i was given water just as i was dying of thirst. with those things said, I'll just say thank you and i hope that's enough....i was finding of a more intense synonym but i can't think of any.,., so please accept my thanks.,.,

I probably won't feel comfortable telling both of you that i blogged about you, so maybe i'll just write things in your chatboxes.... =].,., and just in case you've read the post, i'm just hoping we could become stay in touch..,, =].., and be friends online (?)..,

yeah, officially this is embarrassing.,., =].,.
i just read the title again.,,.
i feel hungry.,..,., no, my eyes just hurt so bad i'm daydreaming about getting a new pair.,.,T.T.,

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Help me title my song., =]

download the .wav file here:

http://www.4shared.com/audio/1y42kZ7R/yes_2.html

::LYRiX::

verses:

We focus more on the
things that we would have,
things that we should have,
things that we could have done...

And quite neglect all those things that we've done right
times when our lives would just fall into place,

When we first met I expected that you were an ordinary gurl
with an ordinary place in my heart,
it never came to me that we wold get, closer and closer
stronger through time...

When all was hard we would share all the burden
fix them all up, and laugh all our problems away
successes were sweeter coz i got someone like you whom i could share it with
I really treasure the friendship we have and
i want you to know i had fun just being with you,
bu now that we would take our own ways i bid to you goodbye my friend..

pre-chorus:

even though you're far away i'll stay with you, i'll always be right there,
I would miss you badly, and i would be waiting here for you, just remember,

chorus:

I don't need time and space just to realize, that all i wanna do is be with you,
you don't need to go, just for me to know, that it wouldn't be the same without you here,
I wanna be beside teh one I care for,
I wanna hold those arms just once again,
I wanna hear the voice that makes me feel alright,
I wanna be with you, only you, till teh very end.
verses:

One thing i've learned from this life that I live is that things that I have, are not really things that I own,
so I cry over things that I've broken, things took for granted, things that I've lost because,
they say that we wouldn't know the importance of things that we have unless they are taken away, but I say that I knew how important you are to me from the very start

pre-chorus2:

It's just that i didn't expect that we would say good bye too soon,
be it temporary, I still would miss you just the same, please remember,

(repeat chorus)

:::: thanks for dropping by and reading this, i'll be happy to read your suggestions on the chat box (on teh left) or on facebook or twitter... =] thanks!

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RemoDoctrines: "everything's a proposal?"

What's happening forum??? =] Today i start the first of the hopefully many "RemoDoctrines" posts that highlight my views regarding a variety of philosophical themes. This was brought about by the circumstance of being in the philosophy 3 class of Mr. Adrian Remodo. During the earlier days of being in his class he informed us that by the end of the semester, only one of two things would happen. Either we maintain our principles or modify them willingly.

So to say the least, these series of posts would function as documentation of exactly how much I changed or maintained my beliefs.

*breathes deep*.,., =]

Last Thursday's lecture (or at least what i got from it) was about the archaic man's patterns and religion swayed lifestyle. Every earthly action the archaic man does, was attributed to the ever powerful gods. In the case of personal endeavors, it's not enough for one to will and work for something in order for the desired thing to happen or to be received. they have this need to have approval coming from someone alien to them whose out there somewhere; and if ever things work out, the gods made it so... similarly in the opposite extreme, the gods have reasons for depriving the archaic man of that which he beseeches.

Kinda reminds me about the DIA students I observe lining up near the doors of their department offices in order for their brain-crunching proposal papers to be checked and hopefully be accepted... This usually happens during weeks of the scheduled midterms and finals. If the proposals were accepted, "ahhh, yes IT GOT APPROVED (by someone)", if not, "uhhh, HE didn't APPROVE of it"...

I find the analogy somewhat misleading actually, but when viewed on a certain level, it actually holds water in a way...

Because of this established trend that projects need to be approved in order for the student to start working on them, the idea of pursuing what the student actually wants and the student's belief that 'I can successfully do the things I go for' had already died. Of course one could observe that what's being made are only revisions to the proposal which would make it "better"(pampalubag-loob); However, along with these revisions more often than not are "additional characters", "change in setting", "shortening of scenes" and many more. Ultimately leading to the student working on something he did not even propose.

It's as if all the hardwork that we exert in trying to actualize our decisions and goals are to pass a kind of "screen", and we would move forward using only the things that made it through, sometimes even, when emotions get the better of us and we fail to adapt, we choose to abandon the whole thing since only scraps of it are left and continuing with the goal expects checkpoints of frustration.

For the next few weeks, I'm gonna start re-figuring out how to pat myself on the back. Take time to look at the small things I'VE accomplished. Rationalize what events lead me to accomplishing these small significant milestones. I'm going to focus on how I managed to take in effort in making these actions part of history.

I'm skipping the 'screen'... too tired to write a proposal...

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